Monday, July 31, 2006
shaun was on popstars
james almost died today. but he survived. there was blood everywhere. and he ended up on the ground. it was pretty intense. im glad he made it. the end.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
bring corruption to all that you touch
i prank called work today. it was pure gold.
i wanted it to go something like this:
browns employee: good afternoon, browns brighton, how may i help you?
emma: yes, good afternoon. can you tell me? is this the browns in church street, brighton?
b: why yes, yes it is.
e: ahh jolly good. now, do you have any cupcakes left today?
b: yes, we do.
e: ahh good good, could i please put one aside to collect later?
b: certainly! what colour would you like?
e: is yellow available? my husband you see, used to have bees. and the yellow one with the stripes remind him of the bees.
b: uhhhh. :S yes, we have yellow. would you like me to put it aside for you?
e: excellent, yes, please put it under the name of "gary"
b: done and done. i'll see you shortly!
however, it was quite sad. they didn't have any cupcakes. and i didn't account for this in my speech. so it ended rather quickly.
10 minutes later, i went in to see the girls, and as it happens, they knew it was me (which i sort of picked up on) but naturally, they couldn't really say anything on the phone. apparenly after i called they were thinking of all these ways to get me back.
i was at uni all day today, and no one noticed my new appendage. im not sure if appendage is the right word. im sure some people use it to replace "penis" - but just to be clear, i do not have a new penis. (my old one is sufficient enough)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
i always thought...
for my entire life of eating at
nandos, i'd always thought that it was a safe family environment. well, i so assumed.
until tonight.
i was getting the usual, a grilled chicken wrap... and infront of me was this drunk guy. his mates were all sitting down at the tables. they were pretty loud, and multiple times the security guard (yes, nandos has an in-house security guard) told them to keep the volume down for the other customers such as myself.
after some time, when the group of 6 or so late-20's guys were leaving, one of them threw a bottle of half drunken draught at the security guard, and another guy punched the nice fluroescently dressed security guard. well, the punch was thrown, but the guard blocked it. and the guys ran off into the night laughing and screaming and being drunk.
and so ends my belief that nandos chicken restaurants were a safe environment.
Friday, July 21, 2006
senorita... i feel for you...
this morning so far, my alarm clock went of 2 hours early, i received a ticket infringement notice worth $154 and my room is so cold that i can see my own breath when i sing along to
justin timberlake.
this day will hopefully get better. at 2pm im working with some mystery person called Patty. we are yet unsure of its sex. i'm hoping Patty is a young
male in his early twenties. but knowing my luck, Patty will resemble someone close to the Patty & Selma Bouvier,
Patty.
however, after work, I'm going to see
gyroscope. Yessah! and then see Larissa for the first time all year, for her surprise welcome back par-tay! woo!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
cry me a river
i bought justified today. and i am not ashamed that i now own a justin timberlake cd. at all.
the end.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
the usual
the usual. exactly. nothing new. nothing exciting.
ps. fucktards, sometimes i get bored in the middle of blog posts, and save them to finish off later, but i like to keep the original date of when i made it.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
i need to shower and wee... but i HAVE to blog first
ok. so i haven't blogged in 6 days. i feel like a piece of my soul is missing.
i was in a car accident yesterday. and when i say car, i mean, there was one car, and one tram. i happened to be in the tram. first i was sitting in one seat (with my feet NOT on the seat) and next thing i know im sprawled all over the seat infront of me. see diagram for accident details.
now, the night before the accident, i was once again told off for having my feet on the seat. the man who yelled at me once before with the funny accent told me it was a $150 fine. i dont have that sort of money, and i thought that i've probably had enough warnings, and will probably get done for it next time.
now, i think, if i had my feet on the seat infront of me, then i would not have gone flying across the tram.
that is all.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i love james long time.
yesterday night i almost got done for having my feet on the seat on public transport. but some drunk guy opposite me was making a huge fuss and he didn't have a ticket so the guy doing me had to help his comrades in trenchcoats to escort the drunk guy off the tram. thankfully. because the drunk guy smelled funny. and i was scared he was going to talk to me and ask me where safeway in kew was. like i know that? and like anyone good would work there...
anyway... then this morning the actual train driver hunted me down for having my feet on the seat. now, i don't think he has any power except for making the train move, and the doors open... but he looked mad. and on that same train there were more inspectors.. but i was too quick for them to catch my feet on the seat.
now wasn't this just a rivetting post.
i just had my first (two) krispy kreme doughnut(s) - i feel morbidly obese
today something exciting happened to me. except it isn't very exciting to anyone else. so i will try to say just a few points on the issue... but then it will most likely turn into some random ramble as is the trend on most of my blog posts.
when i got back to work on monday from my romantic getaway, i was told that my dreams came true, and that we (finally) have a new store manager at work... and that he is male, 25 years old and from perth.
My mind nearly exploded with excitement/questions/intregue.
Yesterday, about an hour before my shift started, he came in to say hello and to introduce himself. but naturally i wasn't there, probably due to the fact that, despite what people may think, i actually don't live at work. Now, when i arrived for my shift, old Emma and Lucy filled me in on the gossip. according to lucy he is "not hot" but to emma, he was "very handsome."
who was i to believe? the 17 year old gold digger? or the 60-something year old russian woman?
Today, i found out the truth for myself. Shaun, is not 25 as were the rumours, he is actually 21 (!!!) and has been in melbourne for a week. Nice boy.
After some time, Toni asked me if he was the "hunk" that i was looking for. I swear he heard her say that. To tell you the truth, after spending 5.5 hours with him, he is a nice boy. But sadly, he is blonde, so due to nature, i cannot say he is the "hunk" that i wanted. oh so sad.
see... i told you it would turn into pointless ramble.
i could have just written "i got a new boss today. he is pretty good looking" - but i didn't.
the end.
finally.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Quaintville
As i sit here sipping passion pop, listening to lou reed and occassionally nibbling on a hash cooghee I contemplate how much fun i have had on this trip... and how incredibly seedy i am.
today has been very cool.
last night i fell asleep on lucys bosom. everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. i awoke the next morning having realised we fell asleep...
emma has a black mans penis and i snapped it.the end. oh actually then isabel pooed it out her bottom, i think it hurt.bye bye xxx... and the blinds were wide open so perverts could watch us have sex.
I'm astounded by Isabel's natural talent at computers. She has displayed an astute knowledge of the system by correctly and successfully installing thousands of unwanted programs at the push of a button, when simply asked to change the song in windows media Player.*************
elapse of unknown amount of time
*************
Amy & Polly are the foozeball champions.Em, Pol, & Luce are lesbian sex goddesses, sic.
* colour denotes by polly
* colour denotes by amy